being invisible

Just got back from my friend's birthday party. im so tired physically and mentally.

well, on the way back i just kept thinking coz there were something that bothers my mind. i wasnt feeling good at all. sometimes i feel that i am invisible, that there's no one can understand me. sometimes i feel tired of pretending to smile and saying everything is ok, while it's not ok and there're something wrong.

do u ever feel that way too? but im grateful for my parents, they're my angels that God gave me. it's like i can talk to them about everything. and i love how they can make me feel better, and they just did.

im not trying to be hypocrite, to be honest sometimes it's so hard to be grateful and still have faith when it seems that there's no way. and sadly, i tend to grumble a lot. but like or not, God do want us to be mature through all that problems. when i looked back my life, i just can see God's beautiful work through my life. It's like i am not the same person anymore.

why i can say that thing? it's the truth. if it wasnt because of God, i never be like who i am today. for many years, i was living in emptiness, where life is just like a routines, so boring. maybe i can pretend to be ok, but deep inside of my heart, im not even ok. i can let everybody fooled by my actions. but honestly, only God knows how broken I am, how suicidal I am, and how desperate I am. No wonder I was live in hatred, i couldnt love people coz i couldnt even love myself.

i know it feels good to have someone around you, someone who comforts you, and says "everything is gonna be just fine". But maybe there'll be time when no one is gonne be around you. and they wont understand you. And when you need them to support you, they criticize you and blame you. In that time what would we do? letting ourself be fooled by many things and follow our emotions, or just trust God even if it's really hard to do?

i'm just saying that there's someone who always understand you no matter what. no matter how dirty you are, no matter the situations. that someone is God. Just crying out to Him, and He'll hear you.

Life is hard. But, you're never alone. Dont ever feel that you're alone and so imperfect coz nobody is perfect. Eventhough it may seems that there's someone that is perfect, but believe me they just as broken as you are. There're always someone that also struggling with you.

Lets fight together and encourage each other! :)